HBK Doesn't Feel Well Today
by kbbaby2123
Summary: HBK is feeling sick as he ventures out into the world with his friends. Randomness, mild/moderate humor, and some yelling ensue. Please read and review DISCLAIMER: I OWN NO ONE AND I OWN NOTHING!


**Well, I have good news and I have bad news.  
The good news is that I'm posting my third entry today~  
The bad news is that if you've read my fic, My Adventures in the World of Twilight, you might know the general flow of the story. Please don't hate me!  
Anyway... I hope you enjoy this fic~**

HBK's P.O.V.

I, HBK, woke up today, in a very sexy way, for I am HBK, and everything about me is sexy. Even that fly on my wall is sexy, for it is on my wall, and my wall is sexy, just like me. But anyway, I feel... different. I feel kind of sick to my stomach. I am going to hang out with HHH, Batista, Cena, CM Punk, and the Hardys today at the mall. Even though Matt's kind of a bad guy nowadays, Jeff still insists upon taking him with us. It's kind of awkward though, but we deal.

"SHAWN, BY DAMMIT, ARE YOU COMING OR WHAT?!?!?!?!"  
"YES HUNTER, BY DAMMIT, I AM!"  
"WELL, WE'RE LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!!!!!"  
*sigh* Hunter just doesn't understand how long it takes to be sexy. I AM a SEXY BOY after all~ I still feel kind of sick. Oh well.

*later, at the mall, at about... 12:00 PM.*

"I'm hungry, Trips!" Punky complained.  
"Me too!" Jeff followed after.  
"We're starving over here!!!!!!" Everyone else chimed in afterward at different intervals.  
"GOD DAMMIT FEED ME! FOR I AM THE MANIMAL, AND I NEED FOOD TO KEEP GOING, SO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE TOMORROW, BUY ME SOME DAMN FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Batista yelled rather loudly. Everyone in the mall stopped and stared at us.  
"FINE, BY DAMMIT! I'LL BUY YOU ALL SOME DAMN FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hunter shouted over the rest of the yelling. No one moved until Hunter walked to the Taco Bell guy and ordered everything in the whole place. The guy was scared out of his mind and just shoved everything he had at Hunter.  
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-don't n-n-n-n-n-n-n-need t-t-t-t-t-t-t-to p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pay f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-for th-th-th-th-th-th-this..."  
"Awesome." Hunter threw the food at us as we sat down, in the middle of the food court. Still, no one moved.  
I got a Volcano Taco thrown at my face, and some kind of frozen drink as well. I ate the taco and drank the drink, but all Matt did was complain about what he got.  
"I didn't say I wanted a damn burrito! I wanted some damn nachos, dammit! Why the hell didn't I get what I want? I'm Matt freaking Hardy, and I deserve better than this!!!" I was feeling even worse after the taco and frozen...thing. I thought I was going to barf. Matt decided to bother ME to get him some nachos, because I stood up first. He walked in my path and stood in my way of the bathroom.  
"SHAWN! I WANT SOME NACHOS, AND I WANT YOU TO GET THEM FOR ME! NOW HURRY UP AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT! NOW LET ME FIND THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT..." As he searched through his pockets for money, I felt even sicker than ever before, and I knew that if he didn't move, I'd NEVER make it. I tried to shove past him, but he held me back.  
"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? YOU NEED TO BUY ME SOME DAMN NACHOS!!!!!"  
"I can't-"  
"OF COURSE YOU CAN! JUST GO, DAMMIT!!!!!!"  
"I-" I bent over and vomited all over his shoes. Everyone stopped and dropped whatever it was that they were doing to look at me, blowing chunks all over Matt's shoes. After I was done, I stood up and looked at Matt, who looked ready to blow chunks himself.  
"NOW WHY THE HELL DID YOU GO AND DO THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?? DAMMIT, THOSE WERE NEW SHOES AND EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!?!??!?!?"

He continued to rant for a while.

I proceeded to answer his ranting by repeating myself in the act of defacing Matt's shoes even further. Even though I had completely emptied the contents of my stomach, I still felt sick. I stood up again, feeling very dizzy, and attempted to look Matt in the face as he kept yelling at me for defacing his shoes. Everyone else laughed. I had to bend my head down, and I looked at my stomach contents. Even though it is vomit, it is mine, so therefore, it is sexy, just like me. I whipped out my camera phone and took a picture. It is a sexy picture, as it is my vomit, it is a picture on my phone, and I am sexy. So any part of me, anything I own, or anything that comes out of me, is sexy. Anyway... I proceeded to pass out and hit my head off of a table.

I woke up again in the hospital. How I got into this hospital gown is beyond me. At least I am wearing underwear. They are sexy, just like me, so whoever put me in this hospital gown must have felt very lucky to see my sexy undies. Now I am making this hospital gown look sexy. I feel a song coming on.  
*italics* I'm too sexy for this gown, Too sexy for this gown, so sexy...*end italics*  
Dammit, I don't have a good rhyme. Oh look, it's Hunter!

"DAMMIT SHAWN! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SCARE ME LIKE THAT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE SICK BEFORE WE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"I couldn't 'cause you were yelling at me, by dammit!"  
"WELL YOU COULD HAVE YELLED OVER ME!"  
"By dammit, you're impossible to yell over."  
"HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!" Everyone screamed as they ran into the room. I hope no one tries to look up my hospital gown. I would feel very violated if they did, because no matter how sexy I am, I do have boundaries. "Of course I'm alive, by dammit! Why wouldn't I be?"  
"When you fell, you hit your head and it started bleeding," Jeff then informed me.  
"Punky barely saved you from falling face first into your own puke, man." Cena replied bluntly. "Matt got stuck because he was freaking out, and by the time he stopped freaking out, the puke dried and he got stuck to the ground. We all continued to laugh until the EMT's arrived." Batista said, chuckling the whole time. The doctor walked in soon after everyone started laughing, and started looking at us weird.  
"Excuse me, but is there a Mister... Punky, in here?" Punk started jumping up and down with his hand in the air, screaming that it was him.  
"Someone is here with something for you."  
"YAY!" So Punky ran out into the waiting room, and came back in wearing a fur coat.  
"What do you think?" I personally thought it would look so much sexier on me. Everyone just stared at him as if he was crazy. I threw up on his coat on the spot. Now it looks so much sexier, for it is decorated with my sexy vomit. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, because I actually wanted it.  
"Cena, go wash Punky's coat!" I demanded quickly.  
"SHAWN!!! THIS WAS MY FAVORITE COAT!!!!!! NOW YOU CAN HAVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Punky proceeded to cry and run around screaming. Cena grabbed the coat while wearing a haz-mat suit, and magically washed it clean, and threw it on me. I snuggled up in it and fell asleep while everyone watched me. The doctor came in again and said, "Is there a Mister... Trip on my Hat here?"  
"ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hunter yelled at the top of his lungs as he ran out to the waiting the room. He came back in crying. We all stared.

"JBL stole my hat."

We all kept staring. It was actually Punky who made it extremely clear to us what was going on.  
"We can't call him 'Trip on my Hat' if he has no hat to trip on!" Everyone looked at each other as they said their 'Oh yeah...'s and 'Oh I see...'s.  
"We need to find him something else to trip on! Something that begins with an 'H'! But what?" Batista asked. Everyone stood around thinking for a minute until.  
"HBK!!!!!!!!!!" Jeff shouted out loud. "HE CAN BE CALLED TRIP ON MY HBK!!!!!!!!!!!" We all looked around at each other and then everyone looked at me. Everyone started cheering.  
"YAY FOR TRIP ON MY HBK~"

So basically...

Matt still hates me and won't go anywhere near me anymore,

Jeffrey has started working with the government to give people new names because everyone loves Hunter's new name, Trip on my HBK,

Punky and Batista have started feuding over who's name would be better if Jeffrey gave them new ones,

Cena is working for me now as my laundry man...

Actually, he only washes my fur coat, because he can do it magically,

And I, HBK, am strutting around in my fur coat, which looks super sexy on me. Trip on my HBK is also strutting around, but he is wearing his hat, which he recovered from JBL after he quit.

So we all lived happily ever after... except for Matt, 'cause he still hates me.


End file.
